it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
