yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
someone threw a dead crab at me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
