this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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