guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
