Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
