It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
