A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
