if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
