The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
