im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
