i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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