I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
