Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
