Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
