Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
