next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
