We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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