At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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