there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
