Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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