I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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