I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
