There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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