My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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