When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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