I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
