I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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