he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
