I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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