i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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