Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
