I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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