Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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