So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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