great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
