Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
