when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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