shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
