SEEEEXXX PLEASE
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
