so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
