hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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