just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
