ugly people sure do ruin things
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
