it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
