Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
