WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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