I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
