Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dick very happy bro
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
