We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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