Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
