She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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