Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
