Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
