drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The Olympian is in my bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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