why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
