Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
