fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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