We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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