I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
