yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
