my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
