last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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