filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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