Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
