I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
