It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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