So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
FUCK WHALES
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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