i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He? As in you personified your dick?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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