If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
