So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
