Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
