No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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