at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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