She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
