i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
